I just now gathered the courage...to Google Greg. The tormentor of my heart for several years now...He's doing well, without me. What is it about him that makes my heart tick...perhaps it was just blind obsession that drove me and lust. The way he could configure words to make me blindly submit and follow...to be trampled on like a doormat. It is my slave nature that drove Him to me and me to Him. The way I submitted and groveled for his approval. I grovel for the approval of who I truly care and desire for. I see it in my friends, the stories that I write, a character is always vying for someone's attention...to be loved, cherished and cared for...but it's shown in the most unusual way.
Certain phrases, certain thoughts just trigger these emotions and I can't help but feel that I'm not a good enough slave. I'm not good enough to be the one thing I desperately with my entire being want to be good at. I don't want to be a PITA or a SAM ( Pain In The Ass) ( Smart Ass Masochist) but that's the only way I know how to get attention. Good girls are doted on, I want to be put in the corner and then taken down because I ran from the corner...
Maybe I just need to go to slave school.

*shrugs*